A New Chapter
The last year has been a long and winding journey to discovering a side of myself, one that’s lain dormant behind years of anxiety and choices that were carrying me farther and farther away from the life I wanted to live. Even as I type these words now, I’m not entirely sure how much of myself and that journey I really want to share. It’s a scary thing to open yourself up to criticism and judgement, especially when you’ve spent the majority of your life fearing those things.
If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that fear usually comes on the precipice of doing something really important and life changing, and you can’t get to that next level without facing it head on. For me, that next level is finally pursuing my dream of travel.
Eighteen months ago, after a whole lot of therapy and soul searching, I realized I had been so caught up in the coma-inducing haze of routine and that my life was passing me by. When I picked my camera back up last August it was like my eyes had been opened again to this great big world that I hadn’t even noticed was right in front of me. My camera dragged me back out into that world and reintroduced me to the wonders of nature, solitude and creation.
I love spending time connecting with others - family both chosen and blood - but there is something I almost can’t describe about when I am in a moment alone in nature. When the wind brushes loose hairs across my shoulders and the first rays of sunrise warm my cheeks and chase the chill of the early morning away. Or when I see my breath form tiny clouds of condensation in the glow of my red headlamp as I wait for the sun to set and all of the millions of stars to reveal themselves as universe puts on a display.
These moments, and my drive to capture them, come from a place of wanting to bottle that feeling and share it with others. If I can get someone to feel an ounce of the wonder I felt when I stood there then I have succeeded.
I am lucky enough that I now work for a company that is fully remote and very supportive of this next chapter of my life - the one where I bought a van, am converting it, and will be able to travel full time. I cannot wait to continue to explore, grow, heal and share these stories and moments. I’m not really sure if anyone is even listening, or ever will - maybe one day I’ll look back at these entries, at my videos and photos, and it will just be me who ever heard or saw them. And that’s okay too, because for me the meaning is in the journey and that is enough.
